Life Update: The Bitch is Back

…the bitch being my cyst. Or me, I guess, if you count whiny little bitches.

If you’ve been following the saga of my Bartholin cyst, whelp—it came back a few months ago. I have an appointment this week with a doctor about a C02 laser treatment that I might get, but I’ll write a full post about all that after the appointment happens.

Anyway, it’s a bummer, but it’s been hard to care that much because at the beginning of October, my mom died. And even though she’d been sick, technically, for a long time, her death was very sudden and unexpected. I still don’t feel like it’s sunken in yet, really. I spent most of October on the east coast with my family, and came home just in time to vote in the 2024 election.

And then Trump got elected president. Again.

When I say 2024 has been the worst year of my life, I’m not exaggerating.

Even so… it’s gotten me thinking about why I started this website, and what I want to do with it in the future.

I started L.A. Jayne because the internet, especially social media, is such a highly-censored place nowadays, and I wanted a space that was entirely mine. A space where no one could hide my words behind a warning, or de-platform them because I like writing about movies and sex. A space where movie reviews could co-exist alongside romance novel and sex toy reviews, because they’re all for entertainment and edification, right? And why should any of them be considered “dirty”?

I wanted to help destigmatize sex, and enjoyment of sex, especially for women—whether it comes in the form of a romance novel, a sex scene in a film, or the weirdest fantasy floating around in someone’s head. Because all of those things are fun and normal, yet so much of the U.S. treats sex and sexuality like a disease, something menacing to be discussed only in hushed voices. Something that needs to be cordoned off from the rest of society, lest it infect the pure. Except none of us are actually “pure.”

I wanted a place where I could write about my chronic gynecological problems and the joy I’ve found in sex—because both narratives are necessary and important, and women need to be discussing these things candidly and as much as possible! Especially in a country where our rights as human beings—full human beings entitled to pleasure for pleasure’s sake, to our own desires, to health care, goddammit—are put into question on the daily.

Finally, I wanted to make a website that was free and easily accessible, so that anyone looking for information about the chronic problems I’ve struggled with most of my life (vulvodynia, vaginismus, estrogen dominance, and a Bartholin gland cyst) might find a helpful resource. I wanted to provided firsthand information about these incredibly frustrating, but often overlooked, chronic health issues.

Over the last two years, I’ve also used this blog to explore my identity, shout out books and movies I love, scold a few men, and host the words of other writers I love—all of which I’d like to do more of in the future. Blythe and I are also hopeful that we’ll get Sexy Books Pod up and running again this year—fingers crossed!

All of this is to say that, basically, I plan to keep going. I don’t know what the future holds, but I can only imagine it will be full of censorship and shaming of all sorts, coming from a governmental regime that doesn’t want you to be a full human being, but rather a cog in a very depressing machine (did I just write a song?).

Women, minorities, and queer people are going to have to be louder than ever, not only in our resistance, but in living our lives fully, honestly, and joyfully. We’re going to have to refuse to censor ourselves, especially as the world around us becomes grayer and more oppressive. And we have to be in it together, man. The fight for sex worker rights is connected to the battle over abortion rights is connected to the fight for trans rights is connected to the right to be gay in public is connected to the right to be different in any way…

It’s all connected to the right to live freely and authentically, and therefore, happily.

I keep seeing this mantra of sorts circulating online: Do not pre-obey. As in, don’t start living your life the way you think you might be forced to later (by a fascist regime or a president-king, etc.), just because you’re scared. It makes the job of the oppressors that much easier.

I don’t think I’m some sort of revolutionary here, writing my little blog or giggling about romance novels and sex on a podcast. But I do think some things are revolutionary, and will only become more so as the Trump administration sinks its claws further into our country: sex, in particular. Having it, enjoying it, talking about it honestly and openly. So much of what is wrong with this country is related to a fear of sex and pleasure, which leads to the criminalization of women’s/queer/trans bodies. I want to push back on that, in whatever way I can. I want to have a voice opposing that, in whatever way I can. This blog is one small part of my resistance.

So that’s what’s been on my mind lately. It’s wild to imagine that things could possibly get worse from here, but I know they can! Time to dig our heels in and fight, folks.